I haven’t slept in a while. I’ve slept to get by, but I haven’t just had that complete and total contentment sleep. You know the kind where you wake up, you stretch your arms, and you are in a completely relaxed state. Instead I’m in the “I wake up and I have a million things running through my mind” mode, so I get up and start doing stuff. I just wish I could feel a complete sense of relaxation. No worries, no stress, no fretting about other people. I’m not really sure how to let go, to just calm down. Lately I’ve really been enjoying spending my time playing my most favoritest video game, but even that has only been a temporary feeling of exuberance.
I’ve been thinking a lot about people lately, about my good relationships and my bad ones. I can think back and see how I have such amazing friends who I love and care so much about. I think about now, how I’m in Iowa and realize that I’m stagnant. The context at which I meet people now, for just momentary meetings, is not attune to the kind of person I am. I suck at first impressions, ask anyone. It’s because I get so nervous around new people that I talk and talk and talk… I really want to be back in Indiana around all the people I know and hang out with. Hell I’d even settle for MN, though there my social group isn’t quite as diverse. I’m supposed to be forging a life here but all I do is sit around. I did try to go out and meet a new person but thus far that attempt has failed miserably, so I gave up on it. I have some huge time commitments coming up, so once those get going I guess none of this will matter anymore, because I will be too busy to care.
On a positive note, I had a meet and greet with the VP’s of Rockwell last night and I shined. The people I met were amazing talkers and I was speaking to them with such awe even I was made silent. They all seemed very interested in what I was doing here, and lit up when I told them my projects name. From what I gather the work I do is part of a very important segment of my company’s strategy, which made me feel great to think about.