I just watched a CNN video on a class that is being offered at Harvard. The class teaches students how to actively pursue things that will make them happy. It explains that through the rigors and stress of college often student loose sight of what is really important. I began to think to myself and what am I doing recently that is making me happy, and it depressed to think about it. I can’t really pinpoint anything recently that has excited me with anticipation. Obviously we could use my trips as examples, but honestly I was more looking at those with a very authoritative, serious perspective. Even when I went to Islamorada I was never able to fully let myself relax.
I have two things that I know make me happy. Doing a great job at something, but not just knowing I did a great job, but having everyone tell me I did a great job. Because honestly I’m my worst critic and I think 90% of what I do sucks. Though it does drive me insane when people tell me I did a good job, and deep down inside I know I could have done better. Yes I know that sounds like a complete contradiction, but I’m allowed to rant since this is my blog. The other thing that makes me happy is a complete level of relaxation without boredom. Sadly this happens less and less lately, because I so goal oriented I can never let myself just breathe. Even when I am not doing a damn thing all I can think about is what I have to get done. In the next few years its only going to get worse, because my student loans will always be this perpetual worry that I’ll have, and I’ll never be able to escape from it.
Greg has always been a huge source of my joy. Whenever I get to see him, everything always seems to go great. Maybe because he has a strong enough personality that rivals mine that I am willing to let him handle things. I don’t feel like I had to say, “hey lets go to this”, or “I’m planning this” because he’s already taken care of it to an extent that I’d be happy with it.
All of this still leaves the problem as to what I’ll do with myself next year. When I’m off on my own in Iowa, I won’t have the strength Pike provides me. I won’t be near any of my MN friends, and I’ve for sure learned, out of site out of mind. I will have plenty of time of nothing, but I’m pretty sure this will just lead to boredom. I really want to work on my MBA, but I haven’t decided if I am willing to drive 3 hours every Saturday for 3 years. I want to do something that I feel like I can build up on. Something where I will have instant results, but my results keep getting grander. I suppose we’ll see what the times will bring.