[RANT]
I think I have a disorder. I only go after girls who are completely unavailable to me. Be it they are dating someone, they are way out of my league, or they live beyond a reasonable commuting distance. I can’t stand it anymore I feel like I am every girl’s best friend and none of them ever understand the thoughts that are going through my head. Perhaps I like going after girls who I can’t touch because I don’t have to worry about fucking it up, since it’s inevitable anyway. I do get frustrated beyond belief sometimes, I starting having a conversation with someone who I am actually attracted to and who is even single, and I can barely get the time of day out of them. I feel invisible, unnoticed, and ugly. This completely smacks in the face of my persona. Anyone who has the slightest idea of who I am knows I am one of the most talkative social people out there. I know I can be a jerk sometimes, but I just wish I could get over this stupid hurdle.
My brain is convinced there is some mold that I need to fit before a girl will like me. High School I thought I had to get in to a good college, that happened and I got nothing. When I went to college I thought maybe if physically I looked good girls would like me. So I worked out almost everyday got in the best shape of my life, and still nothing. What would happen if I got a really great job, and became a genuinely nice supportive person? Nope still nothing. Though the great thing about being a nice person is girls love to tell you their problems with their asshole equivalent boyfriends, who they think are the sweetest things ever. Sometimes I just want to just tell her everything I feel and how much I would love to date them, but I know I have to hold all this back. Better to be friends than nothing I guess. I understand this mold theory is wrong, otherwise I could explain how HS equivalent 23 year’s olds who live with their parents and have drinking problems get 10x more dates than me.
I swear though the last thing I need to hear from anyone about this is “Alex Don’t worry you’ll find a girl sometime” This statement is just so painful for me to hear. I’m tired of waiting, I just want to meet someone who I can care about. I’m moving to Cedar Rapids next year, and thought of moving into an apartment alone scares the hell out of me.
[/RANT]