So today, Teddy, you and I were having a very pleasant lunch, and by pleasant I mean you were yelling and throwing your food on the ground… I was calmly drinking a coke to have the caffeine powers to continue functioning as a sleep deprived adult. When lunch was over and scooped you up and took you to the sink to wash your hands, and face, and any other part of you that had been smeared with food.
Then I set you down and was like oh no, baby gate is open, better go close it… This is when you decide to sprint to the table and grab my coke. I shouted “Noooooo” and ran towards you. In this period, you lifted the coke and dumped it all over your head. I arrived one second too late, and with a combination of socks and a pretty slick floor, my feet slid from underneath me. In the process I took out your legs and you fell backwards and bit your tongue and started bleeding in your mouth. I landed on my back and had the wind knocked out of me. You then, in complete disarray and full of tears, climbed on to my belly and just sat their wailing. I of course remained unmoving because three seconds early our house was perfectly calm, and now there was blood, coke spilled all over the floor (and your hair), and a crying baby just sitting on me. I needed a minute.
Your Mom, of course, came running out because there was a huge crashing noise, and honestly, I didn’t have the words to describe the situation. Being a parent is hard.