Its circumcision day. Look just to clear things up we decided for you. It’s the kind of thing if we didn’t decide to have it done when you were a baby, there’s no way you could make that decision as an adult. Nelson Mandella did teenager circumcision and it seemed rough… Maybe it builds character? Anyway you’re welcome for not having a weird looking penis that you don’t have to wash aggressively all the time, and if you hate it I’m super sorry I was doing what I thought was right. I mean we are Jewish and its kind of what we do.
We did take you too “THE” circumcision guy in Seattle, well Mercer Island. To be honest we thought it was weird a guy made his life all about cutting dicks. When we chatted with him he said he did about 30,000 circumcisions in his life. Looking at his beautiful office that foreskin built we could totally see that. The process was fast. We bribed you with sugar water. You were sooo happy. First time ever having sugar.
TTTThhheeeennnn fuck off tiny human. We stripped you naked, the Dr. pinned your legs down and pulled out some medieval ass looking equipment. I kept feeding you sugar water, cause if I’m having this done the least I could do is be present for it and not pass out… He proceeds to do something (I’m not going to lie I kind of blocked it out too) He’s so casual we talked about Seattle re-estate the entire time. Then bing bang cut. You’re pissed as hell but its all over. We hand over our $650 and call it a day. We did not opt to keep your foreskin (some Jews keep it). We drove you home, got some Japanese cheeseburgers at Katsu in SODO on the way, and a new life began for you.
Again sorry… I hope you like your penis.