I think I’ve been working too hard at work. My brain feels a bit like a sponge that’s to soaked through. Water logged and sluggish. I sometimes think to myself that I am having too much cognitive load. I’ve always appreciated the LOTR line from Bilbo “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” The first week of June represents the first week of all the managers evaluating performance its never racking, but also represents the first week of nothing you doing mattering for at least two three months. No matter what you deliver in the summer is almost certainly forgotten by the time you do this whole song and dance again. There was also a huge amount of layoffs recently or as the PC Corporate speak of RIF (Reduction in force). I like to call it firing without cause. Hey, we have great people, but those great people don’t line up with our business needs and the cost of finding a place for them outweighs the cost of hiring someone in a cheaper location later.
People I really liked got let go. This also creates a certain level of look behind your shoulder anxiety. If you can let, go someone who I think is super talented what about the slacker that I am. You know the guy who thinks a quarter of the years’ work is moot.
Any who I am tired boss. The kids are a great. The kids are always great (and tiring). Teddy turned over yesterday while reading books, snuggled me and said “I Love you Daddy” I don’t know if he’s ever been so explicit but it filled my heart with so much Joy. You can tell I’m in a low atm though because it just made me terrified and spiraled at the though of anything ever happening to my kids. None of this is real, its all pains on crazy pontificating, but the pit of my stomach is loud, and the prospect of a life in a thai drug den partying all night in my 40’s does not seem ideal. This of course is the inevitable outcome if something were to happen to my family and I was in desperate need to compartmentalize all my feelings away. Lucky for me, my kids are happy, my wife likes me quite a bit, I still have a job, and even though I’m slacking this week I’m pretty sure no one is noticing. Thanks WFH 😊