Well, it happened, we all got violently sick. Well Kate didn’t* but Teddy first, then me, then Ella. It was awful. Teddy woke up at 7am and was acting very “Calm” Kate brought him in to our room for me to investigate. I was like look he seems cool. Tickled his feet a little, got a smile. Then he proceeded to throw up all over himself and our bed. Ok… not great. Maybe it’s a fluke, maybe he’ll feel better once we give him something to eat. Thank God Ella was sleeping happily in the basement. So, we gave him a little milk. Ok it wasn’t a little, he chugged it. Then he threw up again. The joy of a toddler who doesn’t understand throwing up, more importantly the necessity of puking into a bucket. So, for the next three hours Teddy was basically a vomit sprinkler, aiming wildly at any clean surface, but mostly his Mom’s hair.
I was relegated to the basement to isolate Ella from her plague rat brother. So we had a very lovely day just handing out and watching movies. Ella took lots of naps, I read books, it was actually very peaceful, especially compared to the hurricane of illness upstairs. Teddy eventually stopped puking to be replaced with an amazonian river of diarrhea. This was basically peak full body reset. So, this went on for three days. Every single time Teddy ate anything, he puked.
Now for Ella and I, around 7pm on Sunday, I started feeling off. Like really off. I then proceeded to vomit everything I ate that day. I crawled back to the family room, where Ella was lying peacefully. Queue her vomiting as well. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit while you were violently ill. IT WAS NOT FUN. To be honest, I probably did a D- level job. Finally, Kate was able to get Teddy down, and came to check in on us. I threw up again. Basically, told Kate I’m going to go die upstairs and now you have to watch the other baby. So, I spent the night in the fetal position. Teddy woke up screaming at 10pm and was brought downstairs with Ella and Kate to lay down and join in the misery. Apparently, it was the saddest she had ever seen Teddy. I continued having a fever dream, trying to convince myself not to throw up.
Finally Monday we took Teddy to the doctor, He went from the 25% to the 5% which is a very big bummer when you kid has always been on the small side. We learned that after throwing up you become lactose intolerant. So, we immediately deprived Teddy of the one thing he would actually consume. Things began to finally improve on Tuesday. Kate was never sick when we were sick. Thank God… I don’t know what we would have done if we had all simultaneously had the stomach flu. Anyway you kids if you are ever being a jerk to your mom, just remember she took care of you when you were continuously and violently ignoring a bucket and throwing up in to her actual face.
Just one more thing, today happens to be the first time you’ve ever said “love” Teddy, and you happened to say “I love Daddy”… Kept telling Kate “You just gotta put that time in” during my first day of Paternity leave lol. One hundred percent got the death stare.
*Unless you consider her minor illness three days prior as patient zero