I’ve had such a mixed sense of emotions the last couple of days. It seems as if I have these constant feed of uber positive, but also extremely negative things happening all at once. My classes have been fun and interesting. I really enjoy drawing and Arabic lit is easy enough to be tolerated. Tissue Engineering is super hard for me, it’s not the amount of work that is challenging but the kind of work I deal with. I’m in a class filled with these really smart bio / pre med people who understand everything the teacher covers, while I on the other hand am in a constant state of confusion and perpetually referencing a medical dictionary to lookup every other word we read. I really should stick with the kind of science I am good at.
Being back at Pike has been wonderful, though I have began to feel like an outsider more and more. We have this huge rush class of freshman, and even though most of them know who I am by face or reputation (I should be flattered at this I think), I still feel like I’m on the outside, because they are for the most part strangers to me. Also a lot my brothers have experienced so much in the last few months and I haven’t been here for any of it. I think the fact that it seems like half of my really good friends are dating DGs isn’t helping. Not that DGs are bad its just I don’t get to see my Brothers as much because they always seem to be off doing something DG related, which I’m not a part of.
I know things will improve; it’s just hard to get out of this sense of quasi isolation. I really just need to get out and do stuff, but my level of motivation as well as my available options is slim at best. On the plus side, in less than two weeks I will for sure be out of this muddle, because I’ll be in Italy, and if that doesn’t bring me a significant amount joy nothing will, and my only alternative will be cocaine and alcoholism and nobody wants to see that.