Wow you guys are all awesome I’ve had almost 40 hits in the past 3 days, makes me feel all warm a cuddly having so many people look at my site. Though I know its all about the pictures, but hey maybe one or two of you read the home updates to :), I don’t know why I am writing this tonight, I guess I’ve just been surrounded by it for the past weeks that I need to outlet it. I’m gunna talk about that serious issue that I know everyone loves to hear about relationships.
Over the past couple of weeks, it seems like I’ve really been developing some good solid relationships. Like the friends I’ve had from last year are becoming even better friends. One in particular, has been becoming really strong, and I’m really happy about it. I used to always have self doubts about friendships, and have always worried about screwing things up and saying the wrong thing, but recently I have become a lot more relaxed and began to accept the fact that people will like me for who I am, and I don’t have to constantly seek their approval. It seems like I have 10x more friends in PIKE this year than I ever had last year, and I’m so happy about it.
Then we have the other aspect of relationships that has plagued me for years. Developing that truly close relationship with a girl. I’m not exactly sure why I have such trouble getting close to someone I’m attracted too. Its not that I have trouble relating to girls, Rochelle, Melissa, and many others I count as great friends and feel like I can share something with. Its something different. I guess when I am around friends now, I don’t try to earn their friendship I simply hope they will give it to me because of just who I am, but if its a girl I like, I close up. I don’t want them to see who I really am, because I’m afraid they’ll reject it. There’s a girl at Rose who I act like a complete jackass too, I used to think I was mad at her for what she did, but now I realize its not that I’m mad, or at least anymore. I’m scared. When I look at her, she’s the first girl I’ve ever been able to really open up too, and she was able to reject me. It’s scary to see someone who has the power to do that. So what I do to protect myself is to seek the girls I can never have, instead of paying attention to the ones I know I have a possibility with. Although going to Rose really doesn’t help the situation, its like going to those restaurants that has 5 things on the menu. Well that’s my rant for tonight, I guess it all sounds really silly, but its feels really good to express how I’ve kinda felt.